1. Matt said, “Healthy, loving relationships don’t start by us going out to find healthy, loving people. They start by being and becoming healthy, loving people yourself.”
Why do you think it’s easier to focus on what someone else needs to change than to examine ourselves? What does “starting with yourself” actually look like in a relationship where you’ve been hurt or frustrated?
2. Read Ephesians 5:1–2.
Paul tells us to “imitate God as beloved children” and “walk in love as Christ loved us.” What connection do you see between knowing we are loved by God and being able to love others well? What happens in our relationships when we try to love others without first receiving God’s love ourselves?
3. Read Ephesians 4:22–24.
Paul talks about putting off the old self, being renewed in our minds, and putting on the new self. What are some “old self” patterns that can show up specifically in our relationships? Where might God be inviting you to put something off and intentionally “put on” something new?
4. Matt said, “When we know we’re loved, we will love.”
Take that idea deeper. How might a person's understanding—or misunderstanding—of God’s love affect the way they respond to conflict, rejection, criticism, or disappointment? Where do you tend to look for affirmation that only God can ultimately provide?
5. Read Ephesians 3:17–19.
Paul prays that believers would be “rooted and established” in God’s love and come to know its height, depth, length, and width. Why do you think being rooted in God’s love matters for relationships with other people? What might change in one of your relationships if you genuinely believed, at a deeper level, “I am already deeply loved”?
6. Matt gave several practical ways to become more loving: receive love, become self-aware, radically forgive, serve unconditionally, listen well, call out life, and speak truth in love.
Which one challenges you the most—and why? What might your resistance to that particular practice reveal about what is happening inside you?
7. Read 1 Peter 3:7.
Matt connected this passage to the idea of living with your spouse “in an understanding way.” Even though the passage speaks specifically to marriage, what does it teach us about the importance of understanding another person rather than simply reacting to them? What makes genuinely listening to someone difficult for you?
8. Matt ended by challenging us to stop praying, “God, change them,” and instead pray, “God, change me. Make me more loving.”
Think about one relationship in your life that currently has some tension, frustration, or distance. Without naming the person or explaining what they have done, ask yourself: What is God showing me about me? What is one specific way you could choose love toward that person this week—not because they’ve earned it, but because you have already been loved by God?